Christmas – Paul Heaton, Jacqui 

Christmas Lyrics

You put the Christmas tree up
I take the Christmas tree down
Just so the children associate me
With everything wrong in this town

It’s December, it’s snowing
That feeling is growing
That parents can’t even explain
It just feels so right
When the pavements are white
And everyone boos if it rains

I still put the carrots right out
A mince pie, milk or maybe some port
Even go down in the middle of night
Drink them, make sure I’m never caught
They don’t blame you for trying
But all three are crying
And the dinner’s dried up and it’s black
In the least of surprises
I’ve bought the wrong sizes
An’ they all know that dad wants her back

That year I knocked Christmas tree down
Just an hour after I’d put it up
Adjusting the angel, nativity’s crown
And claiming you’d not been to pub

Yes the brandy is flowing
Your dad’s nose is glowing
The whole house is decked green and red
The snowman and snowdrift
The gritter and driver
And a snowball aimed at his head

I still put the carrots right out
A mince pie, milk or maybe some port
Even go down in the middle of night
Drink them, make sure I’m never caught
They don’t blame you for trying
But all three are crying
And the dinner’s dried up and it’s black
In the least of surprises
You’ve bought the wrong sizes
An’ they all know that dad wants her back

I take the lights off the tree
First turn them off at the wall
Just so the very last glimmer of Christmas
I’m seen to be ending it all

I still put the carrots right out
A mince pie, milk or maybe some port
Even go down in the middle of night
Drink them, make sure I’m never caught
Christmas for many
Just a lucky old penny
And a quiet glass of whisky in chair
But Christmas for me
Is a cold cup of tea
And a morning with none of you there